We brought “Ace Ironman” into our home with so much hope. When Croix first met him, he cried to have him. So, we made the decision to get him. He was meant to be a surprise for our son, Croix. The moment Croix saw him, his whole face lit up. He fell in love instantly. He held him, cried with him, followed him everywhere. When we asked Croix to spend the night at his grandparents’ house, he refused…because he didn’t want to be away from his dog. When Ace cried, Croix cried. It was beautiful… and heavy.
But something unexpected happened.
Croix began thinking not about having a dog… but about losing one.
He started asking questions that cut straight to our hearts. Why did we take Ace away from his family? Did Ace miss his parents? What if someone took him away from us? His mind didn’t see a “new puppy.” His mind saw separation. Loss. Displacement. And because autistic children often feel emotional connections deeply, he didn’t just think these things…he felt them in his entire body.
And then came the confusion.
“I want him… but I don’t want him.”
Ace, being a puppy, did what puppies do…he nipped while playing. Croix said, “He’s biting me,” and even though we knew it was normal behavior, Croix wasn’t having normal feelings about it. He started pulling away more. He didn’t want to play with Ace anymore. He stopped wanting to do things with him, walk him, or even sit with him. The child who once wouldn’t leave his side didn’t seem to want him near at all.
At night, Ace would sleep at the foot of Croix’s bed until he fell asleep. Once Croix was asleep, we gently moved Ace into his crate. Ace cried. Croix cried. And that went on for a couple of nights.
Then Thanksgiving came.
Our home was full. Family passed Ace around laughing and smiling, and he loved every moment of it! He went to Grandpa’s house. He was adored.
But when everyone left and it was just us again, the truth sat heavy in the room.
Croix still didn’t want him.
His dad, who didn’t grow up with a dog in the house, was falling hard for Ace. And I wanted it to work so badly, because I believed this dog could help my son emotionally. Being homeschooled, only child, and on the spectrum. We thought a puppy might help fill a space.
Instead, it exposed a deeper one.
So yesterday, we made the hardest decision.
And this morning, we sent Ace home.
Not because he wasn’t loved.
But because he deserved a home where everyone loved him equally; and understands he will be okay without his parents.
I cried handing him over to my husband to take him back. This was a dream. A plan. An answer we hoped would fix something that couldn’t be fixed by a puppy alone.
What This Taught Me as an Autism Parent
Autistic children do not love lightly.
They don’t attach casually.
And when something feels wrong emotionally, they carry it deeply.
A pet may look like therapy from the outside…
But sometimes it can feel like loss, responsibility, fear, and emotional overload from the inside.
Pets are not always comfort for some kids.
Sometimes they are mirrors.
And sometimes, therapy does not look like something you can cuddle and take care of.
If You’re an Autism Parent Considering a Pet…
Here are the things I wish someone had told me:
• Your child may connect to the pet’s feelings more than their own
• A new animal can trigger grief, not joy
• Responsibilities may overwhelm instead of empower
• Attachment may lead to anxiety instead of comfort
• Routine disruption matters more than we realize
• Love does not always equal readiness
• Some kids see pets as family being taken….not family being gained
And Finally…
Letting Ace go wasn’t failure.
It was parenting.
It was choosing what was emotionally safest for our child and Ace.
It was choosing honesty over hope.
It was choosing love in a harder form.
Ace deserves a family that loves him completely.
And Croix deserves a childhood that feels emotionally safe.
Both things can be true at the same time.
And today, I’m grieving…
But I’m also proud.
Raising My Wired King 