Which Robot Are You Today?

The other night, my son and I were playing with these little boxing robots. You control them with a remote, and the goal is simple: knock the other one over. His robot came at me with everything it had, swinging nonstop. But my robot? Out of nowhere, it turned and started going the other way. Just… done.

And I couldn’t help but ask myself—which robot am I today?

As autism moms and dads, we spend so much of our energy fighting for our kids: their services, their education, their joy, their peace. We stay in the ring, throwing punches, taking hits, doing whatever it takes to keep them standing tall. But at the same time, there are days when it feels like our own “robot” has turned the other way—tired, empty, overwhelmed.

I’m realizing something: if I keep putting off my own needs, my own dreams, my own self-care… I may never get to them. But if I try to chase them, I worry. I worry something else will fall apart. I worry I’ll be stretched too thin. And in that tug-of-war, I almost always choose my child. Because of course I do. That’s who I am as a mom.

But here’s the question I can’t shake: when will I be okay?

Do I wait until he’s 18? 20? Out of the house—if that even happens? Or do I start now, piece by piece, in the middle of the chaos? Is it even possible to pour into myself without something else slipping through the cracks?

I don’t have the answers. I’m not writing this because I figured it out—I’m writing it because I haven’t. Because I’m standing in that space right now, asking myself daily: When do you choose you?

Maybe you’ve been here too. Maybe you’re still in the ring, swinging. Maybe your robot already turned away, tired of the fight. Or maybe you’ve figured out how to balance it, and you’ve started building your own dreams alongside theirs.

Wherever you are—I just want to know. Which robot are you today?

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