Today was one of those days.
We went to an open house for a homeschool co-op, and on the surface, it felt great. The director was kind. The families were warm. I even got that “this could be good” feeling in my gut. But deep down, I couldn’t shake the thought — are they going to teach my baby more than I’m already teaching him? And will they do it in a way that actually fits how he learns?
They said they’d take breaks when he got overstimulated. They said they’d work with him. And yet… I still couldn’t let my guard down. I’m blessed to have the time to be fully involved in his education. God gave me that gift, and I want to use it. But I’m caught between showing up every time to make sure he’s okay… and stepping back to let him have the space to grow.
And here’s the truth — I’m struggling with that. Letting go is not easy for me. My mind was spinning all day. Monday is supposed to be his first day, and even though we homeschool year-round, summer is our slower season. I want to pick up the pace again and start strong. I could push the date back if I wanted to… but I don’t want to. I feel like the earlier we start, the sooner we can settle in.
But today wasn’t just about me. My baby was overstimulated, too. He said there were too many people. Too many kids talking. Too much noise. I still tried to keep him engaged, but I don’t force anything — that’s not my parenting style. Exposure, yes. Pushing past his limits, no.
He tried. He played Uno. He ate pizza. He met the director’s son. And then… he was done. He sat by the door like his daddy, ready to leave. And honestly? I was ready too. Between the constant interruptions, the unorganized meeting, the noise, the kids, trying to talk over conversations, and watching him fade — I was done.
We got home, and he wanted hugs and cuddles… and I just didn’t have it in me. I’ve vacuumed and rearranged our learning room a hundred times today. My brain has been in overdrive from start to finish.
So to every homeschool mom who’s been there — overstimulated by the noise, the people, the planning, the second-guessing — I see you. I am you. Today was my Saturday.
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